Where are all the male teachers?

I am not one of those "the men are here to save the day" type of women, but when I think about the 6 women who died at Sandy Hook Elementary School it brings to mind the dearth of male educators, especially at the primary level. How many men were employed at Sandy Hook as teachers? If the staff mirrors national averages then that number is about 18%. I won't insult the brave women who lost their ...lives by postulating a scenario involving a greater number of men (because who among us can go toe to toe with an assault rifle), but as a separate issue, I do think more of an effort needs to be made to get men in the classroom. It is a complex problem needing a multi-faceted solution, but it certainly won't happen as long as teachers continue to make paltry salaries. I personally know more than a few men who were educators but changed professions after a couple of years because of the salary, even though they loved their jobs and even now, still miss teaching. I don't have any solutions here, but I do see a worrying trend in which our educators are receiving the short end of the stick when the budget talks take place. For a profession that is increasingly involved (because our educators are not only teaching, but also half-raising, all but paying the rent for some kids) and increasingly dangerous, we really must really start to rethink and reprioritize our children's education and safety.

The Newton Shooting: Why a debate on school prayer is not appropriate right now

It sounds trite to say "God wasn't there during the Connecticut shooting because we took prayer out of schools." Can't we just take a moment to grieve the loss without inserting our meaningless idealogues into everything? This sentiment is self-serving and lacking in empathy to those who are dealing with an intense loss right now.

Keep this in mind: America is a place of religious freedom, so kno...w that if you are putting prayer back in schools you are not only inserting the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, but also satanic gods, voodoo gods, hindu gods, sun gods and moon gods, gods of the occult, wiccan gods and goddesses, and so on and so forth. If we lived in a theocracy we could put prayer back in schools and everyone would pray to one god and the spirit behind the Christian push to reinsert prayer back in schools would be realized. However, since we live in this great democracy, an invitation to bring prayer back into our schools is not tantamount to an invitation to bring God back into our schools. Some of us might actually be appalled at what we'd find in our schools should we bring prayer back into schools, because you'd better believe that sweet baby jesus in a manger would not be the only one to get that invite.

If you are worried about God being present in our schools then make sure that your sons and daughters have God in their hearts. God can no more exist in our churches than he can in in our schools if he does not reside in us. So in the meantime, get your own family, house, and heart in order and show a little empathy... and imagine how you'd feel if your child was murdered and someone said to you, rather flippantly, "Well, we shouldn't have taken prayer out of schools..."

Oh, you donated a million to a losing candidate?

I do not feel sorry for the disillusioned million dollar donors who are angry at Karl Rove and the Romney campaign over the lost election. This is what you asked for with the Citizens United ruling. Were you so blinded by the dollar potential that you neglected to consider that behind every big gain is the potential for a big loss? Remember the old saying, "The bigger they are, the harder they fal...l"? Well, you asked for bigger and I bet that fall hit you pretty hard. From what I've read, Karl Rove's superpacs spent over $300 million on Republican candidates with a 1% return for American Crossroads and a 14% return for Crossroads GPS. I'm no stock broker but those numbers don't sound good, and when you're essentially betting millions on a two-horse race you either have to win big or you go home.

“Nigger” and Post-Racial America

I am intrigued by the use of the word "nigger" by young people who scarcely have a connection to a word so old and ugly. I’d like to know from where does a 16 year old or even a 20 year old pull this type of vitriol? Really, I am struggling with the concept of how a person... born in the 90's finds themselves uttering such an old, nasty term. It perplexes me how the same young people who are so detached from history that they can scarcely understand the magnitude of the Jewish Holocaust have somehow managed to find relevance and a renewed vigor for “nigger.”

Now, before you jump to the hip hop connection, let me clarify that I'm not talking about the profusion of the word "nigga" in hip hop music, as reckless and destructive as it may be, because this is different. I am talking about the hateful and targeted use of “nigger” as an epithet. These kids have managed to not only yank this word into present day discourse, but also to pull the historically insidious and hateful spirit behind the word into 2012.

Concerning post-racial America: anyone bold enough to come in my face and say that America is post-racial will be eating my stiletto (<-a dramatization, of course), because we are not post racial; we are present-racial and in deep denial about it. And for young people to so embrace the spirit of "nigger," well, that just confirms for me that the race factor never went anywhere. Racism has yet to have its yesterday; it is still our today, and my heart breaks over it, as I know the heart of many Americans- black, white, and so on- aches over the same.

So quit telling me to stop acknowledging the dreadful past of my black ancestors—no wait, not my ancestors, but my living breathing relatives who LIVED through that dreadful past—if you will not let the hate of the past die.

God bless America, God help America, God heal America- that is my prayer. Amen

A Brief Word Concerning "Chicken Little" Christians

If you're a Christian declaring the end of the world due to the outcome of the Presidential election you should stop looking to the hills and remember your source. I don't know about you, but I'm covered so I'm not any more worried about the Obamapocalypse than I am about the Mayan doomsday prophecy. God is always in charge and will use who He will; our approval of neither the plan nor the man is required. We must continue to pray for our leaders and the direction of this country, no matter who is in charge.

Today's Professional Tip: Lead with the Important Information

Today's Professional Tip: Lead with the Important Information

When you engage a colleague or superior, do not begin with random outliers and abstract plot detail; busy people do not have time for you to eventually work your way around to your point and they cannot read your mind to anticipate your destination. Additionally, a quick thinker will begin to formulate responses and decisions based on ...the initial information provided so definitely do not end your point with a "gamechanger," or an important piece of information that would have changed the outcome of the decision or response, had you lead with it. This can be extremely frustrating and depending on whom you're talking to, you may just find yourself out of time or out of luck.

Lead with the important information.

Random Musing: Candidates and rolled-up sleeves

Random musing:

I think it's funny how candidates go out on the campaign trail in the same attire: button-down shirt (no tie) with top button undone and sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I know it's supposed to be the "I am every man" look, but I don't think this is a common look for the average man (I think the average man just puts on a short-sleeved shirt). Maybe this look is just the typical "w...orking politician" look; the look that says, "I am one quick-change away from being "suited up," but I can get down and dirty with the best of them." I don't know...

However, I am reminded of a time when I was being interviewed for a job by a pompous business owner who made a great show of shaking himself like a pitbull as he held his arms out high and wide and, with great fanfare, rolled up his sleeves and said "Now, let's get down to business," and all the while, I'm thinking, "The business of what? Washing dishes or digging a ditch?" Because anything else should not require a wardrobe adjustment...

If you're curious, that interview did not go very well. I think both of us thought the other was full of it- I, for refusing to work for free for a two week "trial period" (gtfoh); and he, for having the audacity to make that ridiculous request and then telling me that no one would be willing to pay me the salary I desired without "trying me out" first. The interview ended with me saying some variation of "you need to learn how a legitimate vetting and hiring process works" and him saying "we'll get back to you" (he didn't)...

So goes my memorable experience with the hard-working, every-man with the rolled-up sleeves... unfortunately, he's not the only man with rolled-up sleeves that's handing out a load of b.s.

On this September 11

On this September 11 remember this:

 

There is no such this as a "real America" or "authentic Amerca" or "more deserving Americans." There's only America- a nation of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Blacks, Whites, Rich Folks, Poor Folks, Middleclass Folks, Hispanics, Asians, Africans, City Folk, Coutry Folk, Mountain Dwellers, Mermaids, Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Libertarians, and ...the list goes on and on. Not a single one of these groups has more or less of a right to live and work and play in this country.

Our history is filled with bright chapters that make us rejoice together in pride, as well as dark chapters that make us all hang our head in shame. You can rest assure that the chapters to come will be filled with more pride and shame, but as long as we acknowledge and own that shame and learn to be better Americans from it then we can continue to hold our heads high. Remember to respect your fellow Americans, no matter what they look like or what they believe.

For the folks who have fought and have died for our pride, our shame, and our freedom: As a proud American, I will forever salute you. You didn't die or put yourself in harm's way for me to make arbitray distinctions between Americans, you died and fought for one America and I honor your sacrifice.

To the innocent who lost their lives and loved ones during the September 11th tragedy, you will never be forgotten.

-From a proud American

Are you better off than you were four years ago?

"Are you better off today than you were four years ago"

I'll give that one a resounding yes.

Sometimes I snicker to myself when I hear folks talking about "the economy this" and "the economy that" when they know good and darn well that their lazy behinds would fair poorly in any economy; their lives have not changed for the better or for worse because they've not seriously tried to make anythin...g better. They want someone to hand them they're dream job because somewhere along the way they got the idea that life owed them something because of their social status, education, ethnicity, lineage, good looks, tragic upbringing, etc. And now that four years have passed, they are disillusioned because life is not what they wished it to be ("wished" being the operative word)

Four years ago I was not far removed from college and was struggling to pay my bills, but four years ago I made the conscious choice to survive at all cost. Survival did not mean going back home to live with mom and dad. Survival did not mean finding a man to support me or expecting the government to do so (though I don't knock gov. assistance to those who really need it)). Survival meant making hard choices like choosing between food and gas (cracker sandwich for dinner, anyone?). Survival meant making sacrifices until I was in a better place. Survival meant sucking up my pride and driving a banged up 1997 Cadillac Deville (with the busted door and duct taped mirror) until I could afford something swankier. Survival meant being heartbroken at having to sit out a semester of grad school because I just couldn't afford it. Survival meant staying positive through it all because I could not afford to give up on me and on what God has for me.

No matter who makes it to the White House, four years from now Kaity Parson will be better off because as far as Kaity Parson is concerned, that's her only option. Folks better learn how to survive and thrive and take responsibility for their lives. Blame the President all you want but recognize your role in your own future. As a friend of mine posted this morning, you'd better stop waiting on the superhero to come save the day because he/she is not coming. I definitely can't say that I've "arrived" (believe me, I have not), but I am living comfortably--

-And that's the thing, you see- I am comfortable, so I am continuing that UNcomfortable press forward because I know that as soon as I become too comfortable I start to lose and my life becomes worse than it was. Is it scary at times? God yes, but what choice do I have?

Sarcastic Rant: Concerning Political Campaign Discourse

I listen to various political campaigns and representatives go back and forth and think to myself that it's a wonder that any of them were able to pass a high school English class... I'm talking about limited comprehension, a lack of recognition and/or acknowledgment of available context clues, selective and faulty interpretations of text, unexplained leaps in logic (plenty of post hoc), total disregard for tone, and an overuse of abstraction and cliché. 

Really, we should all be offended (or at least those of us with a 10th grade education) by the insult to our intelligence and sagacity... 

As Novembers nears and the ridiculousness gets even more ridiculous, please do not be distracted by misleading sound bites and misspoken and out of context interpretations of the truth. And if listening to the political discourse leaves you feeling like your IQ is a few points shy of average, just know that it's not you; it's your recognition of the dumbing down of the conversation...

Do not wait for Obama or Romney or any other representative to educate you because that education is not coming and do not believe the multimillion dollar-fueled, half-truth/lie-driven super pac ads that you see on TV because the well leave you uninformed.And most assuredly, do not throw any of that nonsense at me during intelligent debate or discussion unless we are agreeing from the start that nonsense is acceptable... at which point I will insert unicorns and Never Never Land into the discussion.

No Righteousness in Sincerity- a Lesson from Senator Akin’s Apology

"Fact is, rape could lead to pregnancy; the truth is rape has many victims. The mistake I made was in the words I said, not in the heart I hold. I ask for your forgiveness."

Senator Akin, I acknowledge your apology. I understand how easy it is to misspeak and put your foot in your mouth. I also believe that your heart is sincere, but please understand this- there is no righteousness in sincerity.

Sincerity in and of itself is not a virtue. Sincerity unbridled can quickly lead an earnest heart down a most dangerous path. As the proverb says, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions," and I do believe that the sincere heart is a frequent traveler on that very path.

It's a funny little thing, that mechanism in our minds that we use to evaluate and justify what is in our hearts (and don't tell me that the heart and mind work independent of each other). Do not be fooled, there is no built in purification system in our hearts, so one's statement about what is in his or her heart is not enough to convince me that the contents of said heart are pure and justified.

Remember this, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and via spoken word we are provided the blueprints to the hearts of man. Unfortunately, we often refuse to accept that blueprint (misguided sincerity maybe?).  A person will hand us the blueprints to a shanty and we will say "it's a castle!"  No, my dear, it is just a shanty. Maybe that shanty has castle potential, but it would behoove us all to recognize when the architectural beauty and soundness of structure of the thing is just not there. Do not place your valuable possessions inside a shanty, it is simply absurd; and do not be fooled by the delusional grandeur of the shanty with the flying buttresses because it is still a shanty…

-Now, back to my originalthought:  there is no righteousness in sincerity. Sincerity needs to be yoked with virtue and this yoking is not an automatic function of the heart and/or mind. Never attempt to justify your heart by the measure of your own sincerity.

You'll only find yourself on the road to hell.

A Christian Commentary for the Self Righteous-Righteous

When I listen to the religious dogma, the politicization of Christianity, and the judgmental and self-righteous things coming out of the mouths of those who profess a personal relationship with Christ, I think to myself, "Excuse me, but did Jesus let you borrow His copy of the The Lamb's Book of Life?"

Hmmmm?

Now for those of you who don't understand the reference, the Book of Life is a book spoken of in the Bible that number the believers of God, those who have eternal salvation. To my knowledge this book has really exclusive readership... I mean, I've never read it myself, but I imagine that it is written in an extinct dialect of old Aramaic; or  maybe it's in a vault in heaven's library being guarded by the fiery sword of an Archangel; or just maybe- and this is pure conjecture here- God sleeps with it under his pillow for safe keeping, I really can't say. All I know is that this book is waaaay too important for some bigoted preacher, wayward politician, random loud-mouth, or anyone to own a personal copy.

But the way some people talk they really could have fooled me...

If you ask these people who apparently have access to the book, they will tell you exactly who is headed to the lake of fire for eternal damnation-- pro-choice advocates, the gay couple next door, U.S. soldiers, the liberal media, Catholics, Planned Parenthood supporters, Democrats, New Yorkers, you name it.

They’ll even tell you that they took a peek at the O’s and President Obama is definitely not in the Book of Life… as a matter of fact, in the place where his name would be (were he eligible for the pearly gates), it actually says, “see ANTICHRIST on The Devil’s Scroll...”

Now when I hear hateful (hate-filled), judgmental jargon, and reckless condemnation floating around in our public discourse, I think about how these hate/fear mongers are actually modern-day Sadducees and Pharisees. I’m sure that in the Bible days, you could not convince Senators- I mean Sadducees-  and Pharisees that they weren’t headed straight to heaven, but Jesus called them hypocrites who shut off the Kingdom of Heaven from others, but would not enter the kingdom themselves. In other words, while they were busy trying to bar others from the promises of God they only succeeded in barring themselves.

You'll have to forgive me if this sounds a little preachy because that is certainly not my intent. What I'm trying to say here is that no one among us, not even Glen Beck, knows the hearts of men; however, we can examine our own hearts, speech, and actions. We love to pose the "what would Jesus do?" scenario, but that question was answered thousands of years ago when Jesus walked the earth, effectively establishing the official record of "what He would do." From what I've read, there was nothing about the life of the man that had anything to do with blind hate and condemnation. Even the adulturous woman was offered salvation from her condemners by him. While Jesus walked the earth, he could not be bothered with those Sadducee/Pharisee (read: super "church-tacular, judgementally") types and he was crucified because of it, so don't be fooled by those people whose ways do not reflect the ways of the man they claim to represent.

So, my fellow Christians, let's show some love to all of God's children (even the wayward sons and daughters) and stop acting like you own the God-approved Book of Life. As a matter of fact, go ahead and  throw away that bootleg copy of The Lamb's Book of Life you've been holding on to... you know you bought that thing for $2.99 from a Jamaican street vendor in Brooklyn... ;-) 

Happy loving and happy living!

I May be Single; However...

In today's post I'd like to address the topic of singleness. I am a single, never-been-married young woman. I do not have any children. I live my life as I please and make decisions based on what is best for my household of one. As far as I can tell, I am a happy, healthy, and fully-functioning human being, but for whatever reason, I and other unmarried individuals are constantly being asked to explain exactly why we are single, what is wrong with us, and when we're going to fix our brokenness and finally get married.

I could write a long wordy response to these folks who are so concerned about our pitiful, unfulfilled single lives (since they deserve an explanation and all), but instead I will offer the follow list of responses to all of the questions and commentary I've ever received from family, friends, and complete strangers concerning my single status. Also, I encourage you, my single readers, to send this link to your nosy aunts who keeps reminding you that you're "not getting any younger," or to your way-more-involved-in-your-life-than-professionalism-allows bosses who keep asking you inappropriate questions about your personal life, or to that acquaintance of yours who keeps reminding you about how his or her life did not begin until marriage... May we one day live in a world in which we never have to address these things again:


I May be Single; However...

-I am not lonely
-I have a life
-My life has purpose
-I am not incomplete
-I do not need your pity
-I am not bitter
-I do not have "something wrong" with me
-I am not jealous of your marriage
-I am not idly biding my time waiting on Mr. Right to rescue me, because...
-I do not need rescuing
-I am not thirsty for the attention of a man
-I am not a lesbian
-I do NOT want your husband... so stop giving me the stink eye, crazy married lady.
-I do not need your help finding a relationship
-I do not want to date your son (stop it, moms)
-I do not need unsolicited advice about how to make myself more appealing to men
-I do not need a self help book 
-I do not hate men
-I do not need for you to tell me that I'm special (because I am not single due to a lack of specialness...)
-I do not doubt my worth
-My "ship" has not "sailed" and I have not "missed" the "boat"
-I do not think marriage is the cat's meow
-I do not fear going to the movies or eating a meal by myself
-My uterus will not break if I don't get married and have babies tomorrow
-I do not need you to invite me as the third wheel to your love fest (really, I'm good)
-I am not lacking in love (I am loved by many and I wholeheartedly love them back)
-My womb does not ache for children
-I do not need "some dick in my life" to mellow me out (as if!)
-I do not need a husband to pay my bills because I will survive

Hopefully this list will shame folks into not making these ridiculous assertions... or at the very least, will provide you with a good laugh and a quick retort ;-) 



Happy living!

Why "Skimpy" is a Lazy Style Choice (and Bad for our Mental Alacrity)

Yes we know- you've got the body so you flaunt it. Maybe it took you 26 years to finally grow into those good looks of yours and you want to the world, "I've come a long way, baby." Maybe you just lost 100 pounds and your newly liberated self is finally ready for that ultra mini skirt and tube top; or, maybe you're just a free thinker and whatever you darn well please!

I get it- you're grown, so all of that is well and good, but for the record, your "when in doubt, let it all hang out" style of dress isn't particular clever. In fact, it's down right lazy. There are many ways to accentuate the positive without putting it on display. It takes a lazy person to say, "Hey! I've got big boobs so I'll wear v-neck halter tops everyday," or "I've got a derriere that'll put a Kardashian to shame so I only wear spandex," or even, "I've got a rock hard stomach so I'm going to fill my closet with midriff baring tops." 

-It's like only driving your Lamborghini Aventador at the top speed of 217 miles per hour simply because you can. Yes, we are thrilled by the speed, now how about slowing it down so that we can see what else the car can do. Besides, it's a Lamborghini, so we're already impressed, even without the reckless driving (are you following me?).

Now back to that lazy style of yours- how about putting forth a little effort for a look that is beguiling but doesn't scream "I'm ready for sex at a moment's notice!"? I implore you, Stop making it so easy for people to see what you have to offer and get creative with your style choices. Remember, there is a such thing as having too much of a good thing and eventually people will get bored as a result of overexposure... or they'll avoid your particular brand of sensory overload altogether.

You see, an imagination is a beautiful thing and the capacity of humans for imaginative thought never ceases to amaze me. Unfortunately, your "let it all hang out" style choice daily assaults our minds with the contours and secrets of your body, thereby crippling our brains of the capacity for creative and imaginative thought. In fact, your peers probably couldn't imagine their way out of a Grimm Brothers tale if their lives depended on it, since the availability of "all things sacred and secret" about your body renders the imagination without purpose. 

Do you get what I'm saying? Not only is your style choice a lazy one, but also your laziness is infecting the creative process in the brains of those around you! 

So please, let those folks around you get some use out of their neocortex and thalamus (imagination sources in the brain) and give us a little less of you. And even if you find that you don't receive as much attention as you used to, I'm sure that the quality of the attention that you do receive will make up for it.

That is, unless that "I'm ready for sex" look I mentioned earlier is working out for you... then yeah, just stick with that...

I hope I haven't angered anyone... Happy living!

"Angry White Women"

I was in the airport about a week ago and observed three separate but eerily similar scenes. The first involved a husband and wife at a security checkpoint. The wife loudly scolded her husband over and over about not putting the tickets where she told him to put them. "I guess I have to do EVERYTHING myself," she snarled at him as he followed behind her with an "I'm embarrassed, but she does this all the time so I'm used to it"-look on his face. The next scene involved an middle aged couple who were waiting for their plane to leave. The man attempted to explain something while the woman angrily talked over him repeating, "If you'd just shut up then I'd be ok! Just shut your mouth and I'll be ok." The man's voice faded meekly as he ended his point to avoid the scene. The final incident involved a young man who was being so viciously lambasted by his female companion that I avoided getting any closer to them...

Let me tell you, these three exchanges that I witnessed were brutal. I was so embarrassed for these men that even I almost hung my head from the shame of it all. In fact, if I were subpoenaed to testify in court about what I'd seen I would have told the jury that those women should be charged with grand larceny for stealing those fellas' manhood. Furthermore, law enforcement should probably check into other cases of stolen manhood in the area, as these women might be connected to those crimes as well...

Now, I'm sure that if you listen to news outlets and magazines and such, you've probably already assumed that the Angry Black Woman (apparently it's a proper noun) has struck again. However, these weren't eye rolling, finger waving Angry Black Women, these were eye rolling, finger snapping Angry White Women and they were out for blood (or, more likely, out for testosterone).

As I boarded my plane to the city of Boston I thought about how as a Black woman I am constantly being labeled by some outside entity as lazy, fat, angry, jealous, angry, unattractive, loud, angry, broke, and most of all, ANGRY.

Did I mention angry?

Yes folks, the accusations are almost enough to turn a hardworking, slim, unresentful, attractive, fulfilled, quiet, well-to-do and happy woman into an angry one...

Believe me, I do not deny that there is a such thing as an Angry Black Woman; however, for every Angry Black Woman there is an Angry Latina Woman, an Angry Chinese Woman, an Angry Indian Woman, and (gasp!) Angry White Woman, and so forth and so on. I'm sorry to break it to you CNN, ABC News, Washington Post, Fox News, and random Facebook users, but there is no one race in which the females of that race are collectively angrier than all other females of all other races. You may shine a light on Black women and find a lot of angry, but don't think you're going to shine a light on other ethnic backgrounds and find that it's all sunshine and honeysuckles and butterfly kisses...

Let me explain something to you. Angry is just angry, and angry is everywhere. Angry is poor, angry is rich, angry needs to be understood, angry is raising her children on a minimum wage salary, angry just lost her home, angry is an alcoholic, angry's husband just cheated on her, angry is arrogant, angry is unfulfilled, angry is unloved, angry is sad, angry is trying to change, or sometimes angry just likes being angry.

Angry women are all around us, and they are angry for different reasons, but I can assure you that there is no genetic predisposition to anger laced within the African genome. The whole "Angry Black Woman" thing is nothing more than a stereotype and a hurtful one at that. And please don't think that I'm just saying this because I am a Black woman. I am just as offended by the "White woman are easy" and the "Asian women are obedient" stereotypes that I hear floating around.

Hears the thing, the world loves to put women in boxes because to understand the complexities of who we are and what we feel can be exhausting. So instead of putting forth the effort, society merely compartmentalizes us into little ticky-tacky boxes that all look just the same. Admittedly, it is a clean and effortless way to look at things, but when we focus all of our energy on proving a narrow hypothesis, stereotype, or cluster, we miss out on all the complexities of the variant groups and outliers and that is where the really interesting stuff is found.

So free your mind and open yourself up to something other than these ridiculous stereotypes.

As for this Black woman, know that my default button is not set at angry.

HAPPY living my friends; happy, happy living :-)

"Who We Are" vs. "Who We're Supposed To Be"

For many of us there's an internal armed conflict between Who We Are and Who We’re Supposed To Be; and while we've been involved in this conflict for quite a while, it is time now for us to get serious with our destiny and declare an all out war.

The problem here is that we've gotten use to the never ending scuffles- we win a few, we lose a few, but because we are not fully engaged in battle we lack strategy and focus. Months turn into years and years turn into decades and all the while we stay on the defense, stamping out small fires with a ragtag group of ne’er-do-wells.

But the skirmishes have continued long enough. You can’t let Who You Are continue to taunt Who You’re Supposed To Be. The reality is that Who You Are knows that Who You’re Supposed To Be has power and authority, but as long as you’re distracted with the “this is who I am” excuses, you’ll never make it to the other side.

The time is now to go on the offense- declare war against Who You Are because Who You’re Supposed To Be is yours for the taking. Develop your plan, send in the tactical team, and call your allies for reinforcement. Do what you have to do, but make up in your mind that you will not continue to exist simply as Who You Are when Who You’re Supposed To Be is your destiny.

And as with all wars, people will tell you that you’re fighting a losing battle, that you should not have engaged in the first place, that the battle is not worth fighting for, or that the war will never end, but don’t believe them.

THEY don’t know your plans

THEY are too short sighted to understand strategy.

And THEY stopped fighting for their destiny a long time ago.

So please stay encouraged, endure, and keep fighting. You will become Who You’re Supposed To Be.

And you will know what it is to struggle and fight for something meaningful.

And you will NEVER take it for granted.


Happy living, my friends

An Apologetic Concerning Apologies and Leadership

I believe we are becoming a society incapable of an apology. I am daily accosted with excuses masquerading as apologies. Contrary to popular belief, an apology does not necessarily involve the words "I'm sorry." You can say "I'm sorry" 20 times and still fail to deliver an actual apology. Webster's tells us that an apology involves an admission of error accompanied by an expression of regret. If you haven't admitted error, you have not apologized. If you haven't expressed regret for your deed, you have not apologized.

There's also the curious case of the "Non-Apology-Apology"- this occurs when you express remorse and admit error, just not for your own actions: "I'm sorry if YOU felt like my actions MAY have affected you…” A curious thing that is, apologizing for someone else’s feelings. You, of course did nothing wrong. THEY only felt like you did something wrong. I guess when you put it that way, THEY should actually apologize to you for THEIR biased emotionalism, right?

Here’s another one- doing something offensive, saying "I'm sorry," and then continuing the offensive act as if nothing ever happened is not an apology. If you are truly sorry, then you must stop the foolishness entirely... don't continue in error and arbitrarily toss an "I'm sorry" to the universe...

And this brings us to the topic of leadership- I am particularly concerned about the fate of the apology concerning those in leadership. Somewhere along the way we started believing that to apologize was to demonstrate weakness. Now we have a nation of leader's who won't admit wrong doing without proffering weak justifications or self- righteous excuses, and a nation full of followers who scorn those who actually do admit to folly as pathetic and somehow shameful to their offices.

Let me tell you, leaders who refuse to admit when they are wrong really scare me. Folks like that are liable to lead you straight off the side of a cliff without a rope or a hand to hold on to. There's a popular adage that says "If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything." Well, I'd like to amend that to say, "If you don't stand for some things, can you stand for anything at all?" In other words, how do I trust your judgment and objectivity about anything concerning my livelihood if you can't objectively evaluate your own judgment concerning your livelihood as a leader and admit wrongdoing?

I want leaders everywhere to stand up for truth and justice, even if it means admitting they aren't the omniscient and omnipotent individuals they purport or are perceived to be. I want a return to “I’m sorry,” and “I was wrong,” and “It was my fault,” and “Yeah, I screwed up, big time.”

Apologies are difficult; no one denies that. It takes a strong person to step down from his or her pedestal for an “I’m sorry,” or to apologize with their head held high after being forcibly knocked from his or her pedestal- if that describes you, then you are worthy and ready to lead.

If not, then join the sheep; there's certainly a place there for you and your ignoble excuses.

Unfunny People: An Incredibly Random Rant (you have been warned)

I believe that we do the world a disservice when we laugh at the jokes and musings of unfunny people.

We all have done it- maybe we were trying to be polite… maybe we wanted to spare one’s feelings… maybe the joker was extremely good-looking so we laughed out of sheer attraction to the person and not to what was actually coming out of his or her mouth…

Whatever the reason, we are really making the world a more uncomfortable place for us all because of this nonsense. And now-God help us-we have a pandemic level of people walking around making everyone feel uncomfortable with their awful yarn.

Now, I’m sure you’ve been there before- staring at the expectant face as you try to muster up uproarious- or at least convincing- laughter at an ill-delivered joke… or giving a wry smile or “harrumph” of acknowledgment, just so you can get past the whole unfunny business and get on with your life. What about that moment when you’re in a crowd of people all staring at their toes as, to everyone’s chagrin, the unfunny person repeats the joke for the third time because the crowd “didn’t get it” the first two times…

Maybe your spouse is the wannabe funnyman/woman so you are forced to laugh out of solidarity as your friends give you and him the side eye and roll their eyes heavenward… Maybe you yourself are a genuinely funny person, so you act as something of a “clean-up” funnyman, providing a clever aside to your friend’s terrible joke, making everyone forget about the god-awful beginning of the thing. Unfortunately, truly funny people are constantly under attack by unfunny people who corner them with bad jokes to get the validation of their laugh...

Maybe you've found yourself in a situation in which you were unable to dignify a terrible joke with a laugh so you said, “Oh, that’s funny.” If you have done this, please know that you have committed an offense more egregious than false laughter by giving an explicit false declaration of hilarity instead of sticking to the ambiguity that a laugh could have provided...

Now I know what you're thinking- this is a random (and much too long) rant if there ever was one. And believe you me; I do not deliver this rant from a funny “high-horse,” as my own particular brand of humor is routinely misunderstood (I suspect many of you will not find this rant to be funny in the least and I really did try…). However, we as the victims of our unfunny bosses, friends, coworkers, spouses, lovers, and acquaintances must unite together and say, “No more!” 

And here comes the rallying cry:

No more shall we allow unfunny folks to continue on as the “American Idol rejects” of humor, oblivious to their own lack of comedic talent. 

No more shall we feel compelled to politely smile at that Black/blonde/redneck joke everyone wishes Uncle Billy would stop telling in front of your Black/blonde/redneck boyfriend. 

No more shall we laugh at the CEO/CFO’s jokes at the company cookout... because rich, old white men are only funny to other rich, old white men and they need to know that…

No more shall we feel further obligation to laugh in order to spare one’s feelings; and, for heaven’s sake, no longer shall we- in flirtatious effort- laugh at the jokes of some good-looking cornball who wouldn’t know funny if it was written on his or her pretty little forehead. 

It is our duty, nay, our responsibility to make sure that the unfunny no longer live in this jaded world that we’ve allowed them to live in. From henceforth, now and forever more, the only sound the unfunny will hear is the sound of crickets chirping!

-Anyway… I didn’t mean to go on for this long… but seriously- life is too short for forced emotion so free your soul. End the cycle of awkward laughter. 

Have a genuinely uproarious day... or not... it's your choice, you know.

-Happy living!

In Honor of Father's Day: "DADDYISMS"

If your Father was involved in your life you heard them all of the time; they are the "Daddyisms"- the life lessons taught to you by your Father. Daddyisms are usually no more than a few sentences long and often take the form of a catch phrase, because Fathers know that there is so much to teach a child that they must present those lessons in a manner in which they can be easily recalled in the time of need.

So, on this Pre-Father's Day morning I'd like to post a few of my Father's Daddyisms and invite you to add your own Father's Daddyisms to the list. I've even added an explanation for a few of them, just in case the message is not as clear to you as it was to me. Many of you have heard me mention these before but, trust me, they never get old. Enjoy :-)

DADDYISMS:

1) "You don't fall in love, you fall in a hole..."

2) "Don't put family business out in the street"

3) "What happened? Well, who did you talk to in order to work it out or to fix the problem?" (lesson: try to solve your own problems first, then call me just in case I need to put the fear of God in someone)

4) "Don't nobody owe you nothing" (lesson: you are not entitled to anything so get over yourself and don't expect the world to give you anything you do not work for)

5) "I am 100% anti-mess" (lesson: I do not suffer fools or any type of foolishness so take it somewhere else)

6) "I already had my children" (read: have some babies if you want too... I won't be raising them)

7) "You don't run my business" (this one is a legacy Daddyism, passed down from my grandpa to my father. Lesson: no one is about to come in my life and tell me how to run it)

8) "Don't respond to a boy who is hissing at you and calling you over. People never see him whispering and calling you, all they see is a fast-tailed girl all up in boys' faces..."

9) "Im not going to have a whole bunch of boys hanging around my house" (lesson: anything can happen when you run in a pack; be wary of big groups of people hanging around doing nothing)

10) "Don't go out to that school acting like the 'Black Butt'" (lesson: society already expects you to be and act a certain way because of your skin color; do not prove them right by acting a fool)

11) "Life is tough and then you die; thank God for Jesus" (lesson: life ain't no crystal stair. You better make sure you know the Lord because your reward is in heaven.)

12) "Pay attention Kaity" (lesson: Kaity, stop acting oblivious all the time or you will be taken advantage of... and your absentmindedness is worrying the heck out of me...)

13) "All I ever tried to do was raise ya'll properly" (lesson: I wasn't perfect but I did my best. Don't try to blame me for what you have made of your adult life.)

14) "Keep your panties up"

15) "Do you see this check?" (show's me a paycheck for a large amount of money) "That's for just two hours of work. This is the kind of pay you get when you work hard."

16) "Ya'll not gonna be living with me forever, when you graduate you better do something" (lesson: I'm not about to raise you for 18 years and then have you living in my house for 10 more years...)

17) "You're watching TV? Is the trash taken out? Is your room clean? Are the dishes washed...?" (read: there is always work to be done. Work hard and then play... but always work hard first)

18) "Why does your sister get to do it and you don't? Because you're not her." (Lesson: don't go around comparing yourself to people. Life is not fair, additional explanation is neither required nor will it be given)

19) "You can't look good by undermining your brother or sister" (lesson: No one will applaud you for throwing someone under the bus. It just makes you look bad

20) Spoken in a sarcastic tone: "It's a jungle out there, right? You just have to live off the land and run wild to survive, right?" (read: boo-hoo, cry me a river... your situation is never so desperate that you have to lie, cheat, and steal to survive)

21) "What's your last name? Parson- don't forget that." (lesson: when you leave my house remember who you are and where you came from)

I hope you all enjoyed the Daddyisms of Ronnie Parson. Feel free to add to the list ;-)

In Honor of Father's Day: Daddy's Girl Smuggery

In honor of Father’s Day this weekend I’d like to take a moment to smugly extol the virtues of being a Daddy’s Girl; to put it more plainly, I’d like to talk about why I and other girls raised with loving, involved, no-nonsense male providers are so freaking awesome.

First things first, I understand that having an involved dad is not something that a daughter can choose so I don’t think any less of the young woman raised without a positive father figure. However, to say that having an involved father has no bearing on the type of women a daughter grows to be is to say that fathers really don’t matter and THAT is a false message that is constantly being perpetrated in the name of empowerment.

Now back to my point- Daddy’s Girls have the right to feel smug because we know what it means to be well taken care of. Ergo, we don’t have problems recognizing a man who is incapable of treating us in a manner of which we are worthy. And how do we know of what we are worthy? Well, we know because from birth we’ve received that message from our Daddies so our nature and nurture cannot be denied; and while that doesn’t mean we always make the right decisions concerning men, it does mean that we know what we’re doing and that the decision to accept less is a conscious one.

“I’m going to tell you now, just so you know- you both are beautiful girls; now that you know, you don’t have to lose your head when some man calls you pretty because you already know…”

—That is the type of wisdom that Daddies bestow on their girls at a young age and a direct quote from my Daddy to me and my sister. I can’t count the number of women I know who have spent decades searching for this type of validation in the form of love, affection, and sex from men. I am thankful that I’ve never needed that. Even when I didn’t think I was beautiful or special, I knew that I would not find what I needed from the attention of a man because, whether or not I believed that I was something, my Daddy’s message had been received and the foundation was laid for a strong sense of self worth.

Daddy’s Girls should feel smug because we know what it means to respect a man (yeah I said it, pow). There are certain things that you won’t ever see a true Daddy’s girl doing- you’re not going to see us berating or belittling a man in public (unless that’s what her mama was doing), and you’re not going to see us getting physically violent with a man, or just straight up neglecting him.

If having a strong male figure in the house teaches you anything, it will most certainly teach you the meaning of respect, and not just how to respect your mate, but how to respect authority, to respect others, and to respect yourself. Furthermore, because Daddy’s Girls understand respect and have experienced the real deal, we are able to identify illegitimate figures who demand respect without possessing the laurels upon which respect is required (and we avoid those jokers at all cost or engage them with caution). And while a mother can teach her daughters this just as well, there is something powerful about a man whom you respect and is able to teach you respect by being a real man worthy of nothing less.

Now to my young fathers, because I have a lot of young male friends with little girls- remember that how you treat your daughters lets them know how other men should treat them. Be kind to them, be there for them, provide for them, and protect them. Make sure your Daddies' Girls know what true love is, so if anyone tries to tell them differently, they’ll know better because of your nature, nurture, and influence.
And to those men who are married to or are dating a Daddy’s girl, know that you have a gem and should treat her well. Otherwise, she will leave you high and dry and go back to the man she knows will always have her best interest at heart... or her Daddy will come after you with a shotgun and a shovel...

Happy living, my friends, and a smug nod to all of the Daddy’s Girls out there... you know who you are ;-)

A Welcome to You, the Intellectual Sophisticate

Hello and welcome to my blog page, The Intellectual Sophisticate: A Worldly Prospective.  Here you will find the daily rants, musings, opinions, and philosophies of a lady who fancies herself a fledgling Renaissance woman. As is to be expected, you, the reader, may not agree with everything I put before you, but I promise that your opinion will always be respected here; additionally, I do thank you for respecting and valuing my opinion enough to visit this site.

Now, in case you were considering the title of my blog (“a bit pretentious, eh?”  you may have said to yourself), I must explain to you from whence the name was born.  During a brainstorming session with a fellow blogger, professional, and intellectual sophisticate (because being an “I.S.” is a thing now) I was asked the following question: "What three words best describe you?" I immediately balked at the question, as I always did when someone asked me that particular question, because it was one that I found dreadfully asinine (dreadfully asinine of course, only because I hadn’t a decent answer for it…).

After a brief whine- because I really can’t long suffer the whining of any person, least of all my own for too long- my friend reminded me of the importance of not only branding one’s own self, but also having control of that brand and I was able to come up with a few words, sophisticated and intellectual being two of them.

And here we are at the present. If you haven’t picked up on it already, you will find that my writings are full of asides, outbursts, and daydreams. I am also incredibly wordy. Please don't despise me for it; it’s just the way I am. Perhaps too much of my childhood spent with my head buried in a book has made me a bit whimsical, but I have learned over the years to embrace that little sprite within me because to silence her is to silence all that is love and earnest and sophisticated and playful and spirited  and intelligent about me ...  

So, please, for goodness’ sake, just let me twinkle, ok? And, of course, being the intellectual sophisticate that you are (remember, it’s a thing now), you are free to twinkle away unabashedly in my presence.

Enjoy the blog! Or disdain it if you must; I don’t much care, though I prefer the former…

-Happy living, my loves!